CES 2008: How The Warner Bros. Blu-ray Announcement Will Effect The CES Party Scene

Bill Gates Consumed By HD DVD Woes
CES 2008 will undoubtedly showcase some of the hottest TV tech products of the next couple of years, and we're very excited about that. However, we're also very excited about the drama we expect on the CES party scene on the coattails of the Warner Bros. Blu-ray announcement. We've taken a look at probably the most comprehensive CES party list on the web and have made 10 party predictions, tongue-in-cheek of course.

Prediction #1-The HD DVD Promotional Group crashes the invite-only CES Unveiled press event tonight and announces that the Blu-ray Association raised the funds to supposedly pay off Warner Bros. through fraudulent means.

Prediction #2-Bill Gates wonders why he's the only person at the HD DVD party tomorrow following his keynote address to three people, then realizes after a couple of glasses of punch that they all went to the Panasonic party earlier in the day. Apparently, the HD DVD fans of yesterday are Blu-ray fans now as the whole lot of them spend the entire party trying to cop Panasonic Blu-ray players. After another glass of punch, Gates realizes he has made a fairly poor business decision. Damn HD DVD, he thinks.

Prediction #3-On Monday, the press shows up for lunch with Yoko Ono and only have two questions for her. Number one: why did she destroy the Beatles? Number two: does she have an HD DVD or Blu-ray player?

Prediction #4-On Monday evening, teams that include built-in Blu-ray drives in their PC's built for charity raise much more than those PC's with HD DVD drives. When the Tiger Direct Build Your Own PC For Charity numbers come in at $97 raised by HD DVD-equipped PC's, $97000 raised by Blu-ray equipped PC's. When Bill Gates' Microsoft crew comes in with the least money raised, he has a cartoonish lightbulb appear above his head, and begins concocting a plan.

Prediction #5-Late Monday evening, Bill Gates announces at the HD DVD Promotional Group party that Microsoft is abandoning HD DVD and jumping ship to Blu-ray. While it is an unofficial announcement as he isn't scheduled to meet Sony CEO Howard Stringer to talk business until early the next morning, he isn't worried. There are only two people at the party and they're both drowning their sorrows in alcohol. They won't remember a thing. Gates feels much better.

Prediction #6-Tuesday morning, Gates meets Stringer for breakfast and they strike up a deal. Microsoft has joined the blue camp. Stringer pays for breakfast as a payout.

Prediction #7-At the Tuesday night Microsoft party, Gates makes his announcement. Everyone is relieved. Word leaks to the press and the HD DVD Promotional Group and chaos ensues. Gates is led out the back door to a waiting Blu-ray-decaled Cadillac Escalade. He thinks the driver looks like the guy from the movie Driving Miss Daisy.

Prediction #8-Gates decides to skip the AVS Forum party on Wednesday as he hears a lot of people calling it the Bloods vs. Crips party. Security is expected to be tight and the Las Vegas Police Department is on hand. The producers from Cops also are expected to show. Being the smart man that he is, he decides to the Sony Online Entertainment Poker Party instead. He loses $10 billion dollars to Stringer who promises to plow it right back in to the new Microsoft/Blu-ray partnership. Gates leaves the party and realizes he'll have to try to pawn a free HD DVD player he received at an exhibit in order to buy a plane ticket home.

Prediction #9-Gates heads out Thursday morning to pawn the HD DVD player. Not one pawn shop will take it. Gates heads for the highway, a happy man, with his thumb up hoping for a ride.

Prediction #10-Two years from now, Gates realizes all the hassle was not worth the effort as standard DVD's still rule the market and upscaling DVD players outsell Blu-ray and HD DVD players, even when the sales numbers for the competing camps are combined.

Bill Gates After Meeting With Howard Stringer

Somehow this list of predictions evolved into "The CES Adventures of Bill Gates", but we hope it made you laugh regardless.

January 5, 2008

CES 2008: How The Warner Bros. Blu-ray Announcement Will Effect The CES Party Scene